Introduction to Internal Family Systems

Have you ever noticed that part of you wants one thing while another part wants something entirely different? Perhaps part of you longs for connection while another part pushes people away. Or part of you wants to take a risk while another part holds you back with fear. If so, you've already touched on one of the most powerful ideas in modern therapy: the concept that our minds are naturally made up of multiple parts.

This is the foundation of Internal Family Systems, or IFS, a therapeutic model that I draw on in my practice and one that I find both deeply respectful and genuinely transformative.

What is IFS?

Internal Family Systems was developed by Dr Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. At its core, IFS proposes that our inner world is made up of different "parts," each with its own feelings, thoughts, and perspectives. These parts interact with each other much like members of a family, which is where the name comes from.

Crucially, IFS also recognises that beneath all these parts, there is a core Self. This Self is characterised by qualities like calm, curiosity, compassion, clarity, and confidence. When we are in Self, we are able to relate to our parts with understanding rather than judgement, and this is where healing begins.

The Three Types of Parts

IFS identifies three main categories of parts:

Managers

These are the parts that try to keep you safe by staying in control. They might show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, or a strong need to plan and organise. Managers work proactively to prevent you from feeling pain or vulnerability. They mean well, even when their strategies are exhausting.

Firefighters

When painful feelings do break through, firefighter parts leap into action to distract or numb the pain. These might look like overeating, excessive scrolling, drinking, anger outbursts, or any behaviour that acts as an emergency response. Like managers, firefighters are trying to protect you, just in a more reactive way.

Exiles

These are the vulnerable parts that carry the pain, shame, fear, or sadness from past experiences, often from childhood. The managers and firefighters work so hard precisely because they are trying to keep these exiled feelings locked away. They believe that if the exiles' pain were to surface, it would be too much to bear.

Why I Find IFS So Helpful

What I love about IFS is that it takes a fundamentally non-pathologising approach. There are no "bad" parts. Every part, no matter how destructive its behaviour might seem, is trying to help in some way. That critical inner voice? It's trying to protect you from failure. That avoidant part? It's trying to keep you safe from rejection. That part that reaches for comfort food at midnight? It's trying to soothe a pain that feels overwhelming.

When we can approach our parts with curiosity and compassion rather than shame and frustration, something remarkable happens. The parts begin to relax. They no longer need to work so hard because they feel heard and understood. And the exiled parts, the ones carrying the real pain, can finally be witnessed and healed.

What Does IFS Look Like in Practice?

In my sessions, I might invite you to notice a particular feeling or reaction and get curious about it. I might ask questions like:

• "Can you notice where you feel that in your body?"
• "What does that part want you to know?"
• "How do you feel towards that part right now?"
• "What is it afraid would happen if it stopped doing its job?"

These questions help you build a relationship with your inner parts from a place of Self-energy: calm, curious, and compassionate. Over time, this internal relationship transforms. Instead of being at war with yourself, you learn to lead your inner system with wisdom and care.

An Example

Imagine someone who struggles with procrastination. From the outside, it might look like laziness. But through an IFS lens, we might discover a part that is terrified of failure (a manager), and another part that numbs the fear by avoiding the task altogether (a firefighter). Beneath both of those, there might be a young, exiled part that carries the belief "I'm not good enough," perhaps formed during childhood experiences of criticism or comparison.

When we can approach these parts with understanding rather than judgement, the whole system begins to shift. The procrastination often eases, not because we've forced it to stop, but because the underlying need has been addressed.

"All parts are welcome. There are no bad parts, only parts that carry burdens they were never meant to carry."

Is IFS Right for Me?

IFS can be helpful for a wide range of issues, including anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship difficulties, self-esteem, and inner conflict. If you've ever felt like you're battling with yourself, or if you recognise different "modes" that you slip into, IFS might offer a framework that finally makes sense.

I integrate IFS principles into my broader integrative approach, alongside person-centred therapy, CBT, and EMDR. I believe that each person is different, and so I draw on whatever will be most helpful for you. If you're curious about IFS or any of the approaches I use, please don't hesitate to get in touch.