Recognising the Signs of Unresolved Trauma

When most people hear the word "trauma," they tend to think of dramatic, life-threatening events: a serious accident, a natural disaster, or a violent attack. While these are certainly traumatic, my experience as a therapist has taught me that trauma comes in many forms, and its effects can be far more subtle and pervasive than people realise.

Many of my clients come to therapy for anxiety, relationship difficulties, or a general feeling that something isn't right, only to discover that unresolved trauma has been quietly shaping their lives for years. In this post, I want to help you recognise some of the less obvious signs that past experiences may still be affecting you.

What Counts as Trauma?

Before I go any further, I want to broaden the definition of trauma. Trauma is not just about what happened to you. It's about how your nervous system experienced it and whether it was able to process that experience fully at the time.

This means that trauma can include things like:

• Childhood emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving
• Bullying at school or in the workplace
• A difficult or humiliating medical experience
• The sudden loss of a relationship or a loved one
• Growing up with a parent who was emotionally unavailable, critical, or unpredictable
• Witnessing violence or distress, even if you weren't the direct target
• Experiences of racism, discrimination, or marginalisation

If something felt overwhelming, frightening, or deeply distressing to you at the time, and you didn't have the support or resources to process it, then it may well have been traumatic. Your experience is valid, regardless of how it compares to someone else's.

The Signs of Unresolved Trauma

Unresolved trauma doesn't always announce itself loudly. More often, it shows up in patterns and reactions that you might not immediately connect to past experiences. Here are some of the most common signs I see in my practice:

1. Emotional Overwhelm or Numbness

You might find that your emotions swing between extremes, feeling intensely overwhelmed one moment and completely shut down the next. This can happen because your nervous system is oscillating between hyperarousal (fight or flight) and hypoarousal (freeze or shutdown). Both are natural responses to threat, but when they become your default mode, they suggest something unresolved.

2. Difficulty Trusting Others

If past relationships have been a source of pain, you may find it hard to let people in. You might keep others at arm's length, test their loyalty, or feel suspicious of people's intentions, even when they've given you no reason to doubt them. This hypervigilance is your protective system at work.

3. Being Easily Triggered

A particular tone of voice, a smell, a situation, or even a time of year can suddenly transport you back to a difficult experience. You might react with a level of emotion that seems disproportionate to the present situation. This is a hallmark of unprocessed trauma: the past is leaking into the present.

4. Persistent Anxiety or Hypervigilance

Feeling constantly on edge, scanning for danger, or expecting the worst can be signs that your nervous system is stuck in a state of alertness. You might struggle to relax, even in situations that are objectively safe.

5. Negative Self-Beliefs

Unresolved trauma often leaves behind deeply held beliefs like "I'm not good enough," "I'm not safe," "I can't trust anyone," or "It was my fault." These beliefs can feel like absolute truths, but they are usually the echoes of past experiences rather than reflections of reality.

6. Physical Symptoms

Trauma lives in the body as much as it lives in the mind. Chronic pain, tension headaches, digestive issues, fatigue, and difficulty sleeping can all be connected to unprocessed trauma. If you've had physical symptoms that medical investigations can't fully explain, it may be worth considering whether there's an emotional component.

7. Avoidance

You might avoid certain places, people, conversations, or activities because they feel too uncomfortable or remind you of something painful. While avoidance can feel protective in the short term, it tends to shrink your world over time.

8. Difficulty with Intimacy and Connection

Wanting closeness but feeling unable to tolerate it is a common experience for people with unresolved trauma. You might find yourself sabotaging relationships, picking arguments, or withdrawing emotionally when things start to feel too close.

"Trauma is not what happens to you. It is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you." - Gabor Maté

What Can Be Done?

The good news is that trauma can be healed. The brain and nervous system have a remarkable capacity for recovery when given the right conditions. This is where therapy comes in.

In my practice, I work with trauma using a combination of approaches. EMDR is particularly effective for processing specific traumatic memories, helping your brain "unstick" experiences that have been stored in a distressing way. Person-centred therapy provides the safe, trusting relationship that is essential for healing. And psychodynamic work helps us understand the deeper patterns that trauma has created in your life.

Healing from trauma doesn't mean forgetting what happened. It means reaching a place where those experiences no longer control your present. Where the memories can exist without the overwhelming emotional charge. Where you can feel safe in your own body and in your relationships.

If you've recognised yourself in any of what I've described, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are having a normal response to abnormal experiences. And with the right support, things can change.